A recent study conducted by the Jules Verne-Stein Ears, Eyes & Irritable Bowel Syndrome Institute indicate that constant exposure to viewing the new high definition Blu-ray discs may lead to macular eye degeneration, cataracts, urinary disorders, possible blindness and in some cases, chronic death.
The institute, located in Reykjavik (the capitol of Iceland) has been conducting this study for over 3 years. Participants were asked to view a Blu-ray disc anywhere from one movie per day to a total not exceeding 10. The participants were all over the age of 40 (mainly because no one under the age of 40 lives in Reykjavik).
Dr. Gertrude Hans, in charge of the study, reported that after the first week of viewing Blu-ray discs, a third of the participants could no longer discern the difference between Blu-ray and normal DVD quality (or for that matter, VHS). This group was immediately excused from the trials.
The remaining participants were then subjected to a heavier dose of resolution via direct injection. After viewing Speed Racer 100 times over a period of one week, one test subject tore out his eyeballs. He was later excused from further viewings and was deemed by Dr. Hans to be of no value to the core test group.
During the last year the tests were conducted, the subjects were exposed to hundreds of other Blu-ray discs titles at various resolutions. It is of interest to note that most of the maladies that were brought on to the test subjects were a direct result of watching too many Steven Segal Blu-ray discs. Unfortunately, Dr. Hans was unavailable for comment concerning this anomaly. However, his associate, Dr. A Saknussemm, did mention that watching Steven Segal in 1080p resolution is now illegal in Iceland.
Lastly, out of the 35 test subjects, only two patients survived. As reported in the final paper, it was determined that the extensive, long-winded, meaningless menu system (in addition to the "bathroom-break" boot-up process) of Blu-ray was the real culprit. Most of the subjects expired while waiting for the feature movie to begin.
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